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Keeping Conflict to a Minimum

August 2007 issue of Skin Inc. magazine

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Most people do what makes sense to them, regardless of their impact on others. When one person’s behavior is not understood or accepted by another, conflict ensues. The conflict can be overt or covert. If managed well—without negativity or inappropriate displays of anger—relationships, as well as positive results, can be sustained, and even improved. Unfortunately, too often the opposite occurs. It is time to stop the cycle of act and react, and find better solutions to differences. Before focusing on solutions, it is important to first understand conflict in more detail.

Two types of conflict
      Covert conflict occurs when people have differences, but do not discuss them openly, and manifests in two ways: avoiding and ignoring. Covert conflict creates internal stress, resulting in feelings of discomfort and anxiety, which can reveal themselves physically through medical conditions, such as ulcers.
       Avoiding conflict is similar to hiding your head in the sand, thinking and hoping that the issue will go away or be resolved on its own. These thoughts are often subconscious. Ignoring is making a conscious decision to not deal with the matter. This can be positive or negative, depending on your intention. If ignoring is a result of not majoring on the minors, that can be a positive and mature response. It can also be the result of choosing to “let this one go,” wanting to make certain a real problem exists that should be addressed, such as a negative behavior pattern.
      Overt conflict takes place when people openly disagree and choose to confront one another. This transpires as a result of different perspectives, expectations, beliefs, values and sometimes varying information. When a person decides to face an issue head-on with someone else, that choice should be made with full consideration of the possible—and even probable—types of responses that likely will be received from the other person., the most common of which are competitiveness, compromise and negotiation. You should anticipate and prepare for those possibilities, and identify the appropriate response to each.
      Overt conflict is preferable to covert conflict, since it is not possible to resolve covert conflict, which is like an undiagnosed disease that usually gets worse if left untreated.
       Following are just a few ways that spas can help team members prevent and resolve conflicts.

      Utilize personality assessment tools. This can help spas make better hiring decisions. Personality assessment tools increase and improve the understanding of different communication styles, as well as how to converse most effectively with a variety of people. Some conflicts can be prevented with this knowledge. A person usually is either a direct or indirect communicator. Direct communicators utilize more bottom line talk. Indirect communicators use more qualifiers, which often soften what the individual is saying. This difference alone can result in misunderstandings and conflicts. To a direct communicator, someone who says “it seems that”—a qualifying phrase—is wishy-washy and not able to get to the point, while to an indirect communicator, “it is” can come across as close-minded and brusque. Understanding differences such as these, and communicating effectively based on those differences, improves productivity and results.

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